Wasteland

So we have reached that point in the semester, a very familiar point that we reach each semester but always seems to catch me off guard. It is the point when:

1. I wonder why our staff still need our guidance so many times through out the day.
2. I have to daily remind myself that our most veteran-ed staff have only been working with us for three months.
3. many of our students have decided to give up on the semester's work.
4. many students have given up on learning because the material requires just too much thinking.
5. Cami and I spend hours each night discussing how we can do what we do better, but eventually try to intentionally distract ourselves from work so that it doesn't become all consuming.
6. we both begin to wonder if what we are doing is actually making any difference at all.

It's a rough point, but a very familiar point. The point when I begin to wonder if I have the energy to keep bailing buckets in order to keep this boat afloat.

It is my desire to affect change, to help this organization run more effectively and efficiently. But I have reached my limit. There is not much more change I have the authority to make. And unfortunately, I work for such a large organization that my voice is not loud enough to be heard by those who really hold the power. Add to that the fact that they are so far removed from us, they don't understand the impact their decisions have.

This is the point when Jesus reminds me that if I spend my life serving at the Dream Center because He wanted me to meet one person, to love one person, to be His hands and feet to one person, that is a life well spent. I may not be able to build an excellent residential program or develop a good alternative education system for inner city teens. I may not leave any impact on the Dream Center as a whole, but I will have fulfilled my purpose and His call. It is at this point that I remember why it is that I do what I do everyday. Not to leave a legacy, not to influence change, not to make an impact, but to love like He first loved me, to pour out my life in response to His call.

Hosea 2:14-16

"Therefore I am now going to allure her;
I will lead her into the wasteland
and speak tenderly to her.

"There I will give her back her vineyards,
and will make the Valley of Achor a door of hope.
There she will sing as in the days of her youth,
as in the day she came up out of Egypt.

"In that day," declares the LORD,
"you will call me 'my husband';
you will no longer call me 'my master'."